In 2016, Nicole Baxter walked away from soccer. After playing during preseason for a week and a half with the team then known as Sky Blue FC, she felt the pro life was not for her. But over the next few years, a series of twists and turns would return Baxter to NJ/NY for a pro career filled with highs and lows - and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Rediscovering Soccer
After her short preseason with Sky Blue, Baxter took a desk job in Washington D.C. She missed soccer but going back to playing never really crossed her mind. It wasn’t until she was diagnosed with Lyme disease that she found her way back to the sport.
As part of her initial recovery, she took some time away from work. “Part of healing from Lyme is living a stress-free life,” Baxter explained. “So I started playing soccer again just for fun, and started making connections through the facility where I trained.”
Baxter’s chronic Lyme disease is under control, but she does have occasional flare-ups. She has been able to control her symptoms, which are mostly headaches and migraines. “For the most part, I feel pretty good,” she said. “It hasn’t really affected me too badly in the last couple of years.”
Someone she met at that training facility asked if she would consider playing professionally in Sweden with her, and Baxter said yes. “That started a crazy journey back into playing professional soccer that I never even imagined,” she said.
You feel so many emotions - good or bad - in such a quick amount of time, and then you have to try and perform at your highest level.
The Journey to Jersey
After completing a successful 2018 season in Sweden with Telge United FF, Baxter returned to New Jersey, not sure if she would go back to Sweden. Instead, she tried another NWSL preseason under a different Sky Blue coach, Denise Reddy. Baxter thought she performed much better than in 2016, but she was unsuccessful in making the roster for that 2019 team. So back to Sweden she went, this time on a short-term contract for a different team, Asarums IF FK.
At the end of that brief contract in early 2019, Baxter felt as prepared as ever to try one more time to play in the NWSL. “I came back to New Jersey that summer, and I decided to shoot my shot with Denise Reddy,” Baxter recalled. She knew it was a long shot, given that Reddy had cut her just a few months prior, but Baxter had a good season in Sweden and wanted another try at her home state team.
Nicole Baxter of Gotham FC (Photo by Ashley Intile, courtesy of Gotham FC)
Reddy brought Baxter in for a trial as a practice player, but after two weeks Reddy abruptly departed the club. “It turned into a crazy situation where the head coach was let go while I was on ‘trial’ with the team,” Baxter explained. “Even when I was there, I never anticipated staying there for a long period of time.” But the more that she played there and practiced with the team, the more she thought she could actually do it.
It was at that time that Baxter decided her goal was to get a contract with Sky Blue. She signed on as a National Team Replacement Player, and then was offered a contract as a supplemental player. Due to some paperwork issues, she briefly was released as a supplemental player and became a practice player towards the end of 2019, around the time Freya Coombe became coach. Baxter entered 2020 on a trial and signed a couple of short-term contracts with the team for the Challenge Cup and Fall Series.
Baxter signed her first full contract with the team now known as Gotham FC for 2021. The team decided to exercise the option on her contract, extending her time with Gotham through 2022. Baxter had achieved her goal. “I was persistent with it, and I had a gut feeling that it would eventually work out,” Baxter recalled.
A Platform for Honesty
Being a professional soccer player, while a true dream for Baxter, is not all glitz and glam. She is passionate about showing the good with the bad and being real on social media. “I pride myself on being as honest and transparent as I possibly can be on social media,” Baxter explained. “I think social media is a really powerful tool that connects people and gives people a look into other people's lives.”
But Baxter is wary of what she sees on social media because it’s mostly just highlights - people showing the world what they want you to see. “When I started using social media and gaining a bit of a platform through the club, I told myself I was only ever going to be honest with my posts,” Baxter said. She never wanted people to think she was different from the person she portrayed. “If it’s good, bad, ugly, or cool, I just want to be myself.”
When the 2021 season ended, Baxter started catching up with friends, many of whom told her that her life looks amazing. “Some of that is true,” Baxter said. “This year, I’ve had some of the coolest experiences of my career, and those are the things I posted on social media.” It was then that she realized that all the tough moments, all the times she struggled as an individual or as part of the team, were not what people were seeing. “I assumed people knew all that, but I should have known that people would only see the good.”
On November 21, Baxter posted a photo to her Instagram account. The post was a selfie of Baxter that she had sent to her teammate Domi Richardson during a time where she “couldn’t stop crying.” Although her caption was intended to have a comedic effect, it was perceived in a way she did not anticipate.
View this post on Instagram
What happened next surprised Baxter. People started reaching out to her and thanking her for showcasing her honesty, something that is often lacking on social media. “People who know me know that when I joke, I feel better. I posted that photo with a caption that to the people who knew me, would have a comedic undertone,” Baxter explained. “But I am glad the post resonated with people.” Baxter emphasized that she did not post the photo because she is sad or depressed. She loves her career and what she does. Her intention was to showcase the reality of being a professional athlete in what she considers the most competitive league in the world.
The Professional Reality
Coming from a smaller college like William & Mary, it was not easy for Baxter to get up to speed in the NWSL. “It’s hard to compete every day with the best soccer players in America,” Baxter said. “And it’s hard when you don’t make rosters and don’t get into a game - but that’s just the reality of the NWSL.”
No matter who you are, whether you’re a player watching from the stands or making the national team, Baxter emphasized that being a women’s soccer player in this country comes with difficulties and struggles. “I don’t want people to forget about the hard days,” she said, even if on social media it might appear that they’re all living an amazing life.
For Baxter, the truth of being an NWSL player is twofold: first, the individual difficulty that comes with competing for roster spots and playing time; and second, the difficulty of being a female athlete playing in a league that does not provide enough resources to live fully as an adult. “For me, my struggle this year came from both of those,” Baxter said.
As Gotham’s alternate NWSL Player Association representative, the responsibility of making this league a better one weighs heavily on Baxter. “Watching these girls and the players who are mothers have to work side jobs to provide for themselves and their families is really difficult for me to watch,” she said. She often uses her platform to advocate for the NWSLPA’s No More Side Hustles campaign. “I am a huge advocate for paying us more honestly,” Baxter said. “When it comes to women’s sports, there’s not enough investment.”
Show solidarity with #FairPlay agreements & the #NoMoreSideHustles campaign for #FairPlay by following @nwsl_players. Visit https://t.co/79cibQHVzN to sign the pledge! pic.twitter.com/FBXtiG44DH
— Nicole Baxter (@NicoleBaxter512) September 24, 2021
Baxter often sees people on social media comparing the revenue streams of men’s sports to women’s, as if that is a reason why women don’t deserve adequate pay. But to her, this is a flawed argument. “If you go back to the beginning of men’s leagues, they had to make investments before they saw those returns,” she explained. “Players are one of those investments, marketing is another. There are tons of things the league could do to better support players and generate more revenue, and sometimes that means paying the players before the revenue is generated.”
Not only does the fight for adequate pay weigh on her, but so has the onslaught of allegations of harassment and abusive behavior by coaches in the league who have taken advantage of their power. “As a player in this league, when you see that happen to someone else in the league, or you hear about it, or you go through it yourself, it’s immediate sadness,” Baxter said. “How could people possibly treat us like this?”
Along with Gotham’s main PA reps Imani Dorsey and McCall Zerboni, Baxter has spent a lot of time working with the NWSLPA. “Imani [Dorsey] and McCall [Zerboni] do so much more than me, and are both truly amazing,” Baxter said. “But this year it was all hands on deck because of what happened around the league and the amount of meetings we had.” Baxter looks forward to continuing to get more involved in learning what the league needs, and advocating for its growth.
The Personal Reality
Every NWSL team can have between 22 and 24 roster spots, which means that more players are at the club than can make it onto a game-day roster of 18 players. In every game, there are 11 starters and the opportunity for 5 substitutes, so not every player on the bench gets game minutes. Even starters might find themselves getting subbed out earlier than expected. “There are so many different dynamics in a game that can leave a player either really happy or really upset,” Baxter said.
Nicole Baxter of Gotham FC trains with Jennifer Cudjoe (Photo by Ashley Intile, courtesy of Gotham FC)
Between the Challenge Cup and the regular season, NWSL teams were playing one to two games a week from April until November. “At the start of every week during training, you’re competing for a spot first on the game-day roster, then as a substitute, then as a starter,” she explained. “I was a starter in the first game of the Challenge Cup, which was an exciting moment for me, but then I never saw the field again for the rest of the season.”
Baxter did not let this deter her. “I took it week by week, game by game,” she said. “At the start of every week, I forgot about whatever happened last week, and focused on working to make the roster.” This weekly cycle was a source of anxiety, but Baxter used those feelings of anticipation and determination every single week. “If you don’t make a roster, you get the phone call, you’re upset, and then the week starts over,” she said. “You have to forget how upset you were two days ago, forget about what happened last week, and play your best soccer the next week.”
No matter what is going on, those relationships with my teammates get me through everything - and that is why I love this team.
For Baxter, this continuous cycle was part of why this season was so hard for her. “You feel so many emotions - good or bad - in such a quick amount of time, and then you have to try and perform at your highest level.” Between that and what went on in the league this year, it took a toll on Baxter mentally.
Even with all the ups and downs, Baxter is grateful to have the opportunity. “It is still so amazing to be part of this team,” Baxter said. “No matter what role, you have to embrace it.” Sometimes she did not like her role, but she was focused on being a good teammate, hyping up the locker room, and making jokes if people were nervous - even if she was devastated she did not make the roster. “It’s a constant cycle of being your best self and dealing with all the obstacles that come at you,” she said.
More than Teammates, More than a Team
Being on a soccer team is so much more than what happens on the pitch. “The relationships are everything,” Baxter said. “My teammates are how I get through all the tough times.” Baxter is a self-described “team girl,” and is close to many of the players at Gotham. For her, they’re who she can lean on, joke with, and cry to.
Baxter’s teammates each have a different role in her life and career. Domi Richardson helps her find humor in the hard times, whereas Allie Long provides mentorship to Baxter and gives her practical advice. “I have so many people I can go to on the team depending on what I need,” she said. “No matter what is going on, those relationships with my teammates get me through everything - and that is why I love this team.”
Domi Richardson with Nicole Baxter of Gotham FC (Photo by Ashley Intile, courtesy of Gotham FC)
Since the day she got to NJ/NY, she was immediately taken with the players on the team. “They’re the best group of people,” Baxter said. “All the funny moments on social media are only a fraction of the amount of fun we have.”
Not only do the players provide Baxter support, but the club’s front office and coaching staff are incredibly easy to talk to. “Our staff and management have a complete open-door policy,” Baxter explained. “With Yael [Averbuch West] as general manager, if you have a problem, she’s always a phone call away. And Scott [Parkinson]’s office door is always open.” The club also has a sport psychologist and regular therapist available for players.
“I feel constantly supported,” Baxter said. For her, the entire coaching staff of Scott Parkinson, Bev Yanez, and Becki Tweed, along with Yael Averbuch West and assistant general manager Stephanie Lee have created a comfortable environment where she is never fearful to talk to them. “Even though these people are technically my bosses, they make me feel so comfortable to say whatever I’m feeling whenever I feel it.”
Although Gotham FC has had some staffing turnover this year, including the departure of head coach Freya Coombe, Baxter feels incredibly fortunate to have Scott Parkinson leading the team. “Scott is probably one of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met,” Baxter said of the new head coach. “He brings this energy where you feel safe, you know he wants to be here, and he makes you want to be here.”
Looking Forward
For Baxter, Gotham FC is truly a unique organization, and she doesn’t want to be anywhere else. “It’s cool to be a Jersey girl in a Jersey club, but if you picked up Gotham and moved it to a different state, I’d still want to be here,” she said. The highs and the lows make this a journey worth having, and doing it with Gotham makes it extra special for her.
In a busy off-season, Gotham FC saw the departure of a number of Baxter's teammates, including long-time goalkeeper Kailen Sheridan. Although she will miss her teammates, she’s not concerned about the future of the club. “Every year in the off-season when players get traded, everyone’s first instinct is to panic,” she said, “But in my experience, we’re going to be fine, no matter what happens.”
With general manager Yael Averbuch West, assistant general manager Stephanie Lee, and head coach Scott Parkinson leading the team, Baxter isn’t worried. “My prediction is another playoff year - I don’t see us going backward,” said. “I’m super excited to have some new players next year, and I’m already itching to get started!”
Visit Gotham FC's website for information on season tickets for the 2022 season, starting next spring.
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